Who you are, how you think, and what you want is more important than what you do.

I see alot of guys come through here with questions. Questions about women, questions about themselves, their lives and what not. Guys who need a sense of direction, who need some definition in their life. Guys who dont know how to get what they want, dont even know what they want, and dont know who they are.

Alot of these things just plain dont have simple answers. Even more, those answers usually cant come from other people. Sure people can tell you about who THEY are, and what THEY want, and the direction THEY take in life. And maybe, if you get lucky, you'll get a guy or two who can give you some tips on how to find that stuff on your own.

But thats really what it comes down to. You HAVE TO, you have no choice, but to do that yourself. Noone can tell you what you want or what youre looking for. At best, they can tell you how to start figuring that out and try to help you get there when you do.

(and this post started as a response to another guys question)

Click Here to read the thread.



So you say you cant find a worthwhile girl. Cant find a decent girlfriend, even a decent FB or two. You cant find a girl that youd want to keep around, yet you seem to have no short supply of women to chose from.

The first thing I have to ask you is not whats wrong with them(the women), but whats wrong with you?

Listen, as I was typing this, a girl asked me what I was doing. My reply was, "writing". Naturally she asks about what and I tell her the answer to a guys question. And instead of writing all out again, its much more genuine in the conversation. The road to solving alot of guys problems, afcs and puas alike begins in this conversation. That, and some of it is for humor.


Nashville Playboy: Soooo... when are you coming to visit

L Williams: let me think about it. what r u doing?

Nashville Playboy: im writing

L Williams: writing what

Nashville Playboy: the answer to this guys problem

L Williams: what guy

Nashville Playboy: this one. its not like you know him, lol

L Williams: what problem he got, maybe i can help

Nashville Playboy: lol, i doubt it, he's having women problems. Well, its not really women problems, its him

(and its not what it sounds like. Ill explain)

L Williams: well im a woman...im sure i can help him more than u can

Nashville Playboy: lol, youre not serious right

L Williams: y wouldnt i be

Nashville Playboy: well, if youre better with women than i am, then sure, maybe you can help him

L Williams: im not gay

Nashville Playboy: then what room do you have to say that you can help him

L Williams: because im a woman

Nashville Playboy: you can give him advice that would be suitable to you, not suitable to women in general

L Williams: isnt ur advice based on men in general

Nashville Playboy: well, i have to say this, the problems men have with women, they're easier to see when youve had the same problems and had to find solutions, especially when the problem isnt the women, its him

Nashville Playboy: he probably doesnt know himself well, he doesnt know what he wants, he doesnt have much direction because he doesnt know where he wants to go, and he needs to figure that out, and thats his main problem

L Williams: r u his friend

Nashville Playboy: i wouldnt say that

(Im not exactly feeling like explaining the concept of mASF here, lol)

Nashville Playboy: and after that, his next problem is I dont think he loves women. I mean, he's not gay at all. When a guy has no problem meeting women, getting phone numbers, etc, but cant find a girl that he likes, or a decent girlfriend, or even just something regular on the side because he doesnt WANT to keep her around, that sounds like its something in his mind keeping him from being able to fully appreciate a woman

Nashville Playboy: dont get me wrong, im not saying he should setlle at all. But if you want to find a woman that you can be happy with, you first have to realize that women are severly flawed. And not just women, guys too. People in general simply arent perfect and everyone will always have something about them that you dont like

Nashville Playboy: and as far as women go, you can either hate them for their flaws or love them in spite of them. they dont really give you too many options. And i think he pays too much attention to their flaws and not enough attention to their redeeming qualities.

Nashville Playboy: or in other words, theres not real love for what a woman is. And if you cant love women, you wont find one that youre satisfied with

L Williams: im sure it more complicated than that

Nashville Playboy: then youre surely wrong its that simple.

L Williams: ur entitled to ur opinion

Nashville Playboy: if you have no short supply of women to choose from and you cant find at least ONE that you dont mind having around, something is wrong with YOU. What is wrong with your mindset that you cant find something to appreciate in at least one person, not saying you have to marry her or even get in a serious relationship

L Williams: im not disagreeing to the point that something has to be wrong with the person, i just dont think it as simple as a mindset thing

Nashville Playboy: and why is that?

L Williams: because there are other factors that accept how u connect with people

Nashville Playboy: ok, keep goin

L Williams: thats all i got...u cant just tell urself to change, something happened to make u the way u are

Nashville Playboy: lol, i know that, but how you see things has just as much of an impact on who you are as the things that happen to you because things happen to EVERYONE. how choose to perceive those things affects what you do afterward, but your perception is still a choice.

Nashville Playboy: he can choose to focus on whats wrong with the women he meets or he can choose to focus on whats good in the women he meets, and that makes all the difference. AND he needs to figure out what hes looking for, whats acceptable to him, whats not acceptable to him, what he's attracted to, what he's looking for in the short and long term. Put that together and he can solve his own problem

L Williams: r u a therapist

Nashville Playboy: lol, ive had a lot of life in 23 years

L Williams: it cool that u look at everything in such simple terms but if things are really as simple as you think it is, there would be no problems

Nashville Playboy: thats not really that fair. You assume what i said is easy. The reason there are problems are because the solutions arent easy, not becuase the answers arent simple.

L Williams: u the one that said "its that simple"

Nashville Playboy: its not that theyre simple. Its because things like that, they are hard for people to do. People are lazy. They do the things theyve always done. The things theyve always been taught. They live the life theyve always lived. Its hard to change.

Nashville Playboy: It hurts to look at yourself, pick apart your problems and put in the effort to fix them. And its even tougher when fixing it doesnt happen overnight. Its easier to accept everything as ok and be oblivious. And most people take the easy route in life.

L Williams: (and ill leave out some of her personal business right here)...now sometimes still find it hard to connect in a relationship...that doesnt make me lazy or not wanting change...some things change you...u have to adapt to situations in different ways...sometimes people dont think that they way that u deal is how u are supposed to act

Nashville Playboy: Ahhh, I see.

(Again, I edited out some of her personal business)

L Williams: im just saying u can make generalizations like u are doing right now

Nashville Playboy: Well, thats another thing, everything wont fit everyone all the time. Been there done that.Well, unlike in math, in life, there is probably always more than one "right" answer to a question. And although im making a generalization, with him, im probably right. That doesnt necessarily account for everyone. I dont take that for granted either. Its just impossible to account for everyone.

Nashville Playboy: Like in your situation, i cant argue that what happens to you doesnt shape you as much as how you percieve things, at least not in that particular example. And connecting with people, a real genuine connection, that gets to be more complicated than just being able to accept someone. And dont let me pretend i know where youre coming from cuz i dont(again, her issues). I dont identify with it all. All I know is it sucks, it aint fair, and shit happens especailly to people that dont deserve it.



But in general, who you are, how you think, and what you want are SOOOO much more important than what you do. Tons of guys come here and fix their actions. They learn the routines, the lines, the material, the methods, but they never fix themselves. And so they improve but only so much. Then they continue to struggle.

Sure, they might get laid. But they struggle with meeting "good" women, keeping the women they want, problems with oneitis, problems with overcompensating for oneitis, intimacy (connection, rapport, trust) issues, and being happy in general. Some guys go looking for "that one girl" that will make them happy and solve all their problems. Some guys go drown themselves in loads of girls trying to fill some hole in them by filling some girls holes(lol, but im serious though).

And the truth is, you cant be happy with a woman... you simply cant find joy, happiness, and satisfaction with a woman(or women) until youre happy with yourself. Truly and honestly happy with yourself, or at least with the way youre improving yourself. And Im not talking about just getting better at PU. I mean being a better person. Being the type of guy that you actually want to be. Being able to stop putting on a charade or pretending to be a certain guy to make people happy, or to get laid, or so some chick loves you.

I mean genuine satisfaction with you who you are.

And then you have to love women. Not just love ass. I mean, REALLY love women. Love women for what they are. I know they can be fickly, self centered, emotionally unstable, biased, gold digging, menstrual cramp having, manipulative bitches. It happens. There are guys like that, lol.

But they can also be the sweetest, most genuine, loving, caring, passionate, sexy, intelligent things on Gods green Earth. And its not easy, but you have to learn to love the things that make them beautiful(not just on the outside, because looks mean nothing but a trophy and motivation to be sexual in the long run) in spite of their flaws.

Keep reading...

--
Being successful with women is not about the lines you recite or the moves you make. Any loser can trick a woman into sleeping with him. That doesn't keep him from being a loser.

Its about who you are and where your focus is, not what you do. If you're comfortable with yourself, comfortable with women, and comfortable with being sexual, you ARE the kind of guy that is successful with women.

NVP