Sex, Love, Relationships: Knowing What You Want

Alot of people go through life drifting with little or no purpose. And thats fine. People are free to do what they want. But on the other hand, those same people want to meet great men or great women, and have great sex, feel loved, have strong relationships and so on. But when it comes to meeting and attracting the opposite sex, this aimless way of interaction will produce none of those things that you search for.

Some guys attempt to meet women only for sex. And I'm not going to debate the morality of issues like this, but just emphasize the fact that while some guys only want sex, they have no means, no way, nor any direction in how to get that, so in turn they lead women on in a direction completely conflicting with "just sex." Whether it be getting into relationships, lying about how they feel, manipulating their emotions, or any other means, when all they want is sex. But what most men dont know is that regardless of whether women will choose to admit it, they would rather have no-strings attached sex and enjoy themselves than to be led on and lied to and feel cheated once they do have sex with a man, thinking that there is more to it than there really is.

Some women only attempt to meet men for the sole purpose of getting into a "relationship". And whether they want that relationship for comfort, or financial stability, or to feel love, they have no means, no way, nor any direction in how to be efficient in getting that. They manage to lead men on in a direction completely conflicting with "a relationship." Some use their looks, their dress, their attitude, their sex appeal, even sex itself to lure men into "a relationship" while the means that they use say nothing about the woman being relationship material. But what most women dont know is that regardless of what men say, do, or admit, most men are happy to settle down in an exclusive, caring relationship than to be led on thinking that what they're getting is going to be "just sex" when in actuality, the woman is seeking a relationship.

Let me add in a small amount of psychology(i can hear the complaints already, its not that bad though). I'd like to introduce you to a term called a "frame". A frame would be like the perspective through which a person views, events, relationships, people, emotions, life, etc. Its like the way you view the world at any given point in time. And throughout our day, we take on many different frames to deal with the events that occur for each of us.

Example: You have a car wreck, you have no insurance, and you end up not only having to pay for your own car but also the car of the other individual who was involved in the collision.

There are many ways you can look at this incident. Or in other words, there are many frames you can take on the even, whether they be constructive or deficient.

Frame 1: This is horrible. I dont know how I'm going to pay for all of this. I dont know what I'm going to do. I feel terrible.

Frame 2: I know I have to pay for all of this, but I'm so glad to be alive. It couldve been much worse. At least I've learned some lessons from all of this. I'll just have to work hard to cover the financial part of this situation.

Now regardless of which way you would frame the situation, both involve actually taking care of the specific event. But the way you frame a situation can either better prepare you to handle that specific occurrence and future events like it or hinder you in going in the direction you need to go in making things work for you. I'll let you decide which example is which.

So... what does that have to do with what I was saying earlier? Great question, I'm glad you asked. It has everything to do with what I was saying. The problem with most men and women in those situations I talked about are occurring almost exclusively because people want certain things in life and they spend so much time and effort to get them. But all that work amounts to only disappointment when you start with a frame that is not conducive to to your goals.

Guys, if all you want is "just sex," then you should have a frame of "all I want is just sex." And regardless of what you say, or do, or how you act, or anything else, if you reference your actions to your frame, none of your actions should say anything else. Telling a woman you love her, or you want to be with her, or taking her out to expensive dinners, or buying her roses and flowers, or anything of the like is definitely not going to get you what you want. And if it does, its going to create far more complicated issues than if your actions would match the frame you take on the situation.

Women, if what you're looking for is a "relationship", then you should have a frame of "what I'm looking for is a relationship." And regardless of what you say, or do, or how you act or anything else, if you reference your actions to your frame, nothing you do should be in conflict with that. Sleeping with a guy to get him in a relationship, using your looks and your sexuality alone to attract men, meeting guys in clubs and bars expecting great relationship material, screening out the boring 9-5 guys that would be great for relationships for the players, the smooth talking guys, the bad boys, etc, and other things like that is definitely not going to get you what you want. And if it does, its going to put you in situations far more devastating than if your actions would match the the frame you take on the situation.

And I'm not telling guys to stop looking for relationships with women who are great and make you happy and for women to stop having sex with a guy when you're attracted to each other and you want to enjoy each other. What I am saying is, stop doing the things that are counterproductive to getting what you want. And the first step is to fix your frame, and stick to it.

And this is the BEGINNING of meeting men and women and having great people in your life, and having what you want without lying, cheating, or deceiving yourself, nor anyone else. And this is key to making your life more fulfilling, as well as your relationships with the opposite sex.

--
Being successful with women is not about the lines you recite or the moves you make. Any loser can trick a woman into sleeping with him. That doesn't keep him from being a loser.

Its about who you are and where your focus is, not what you do. If youre comfortable with yourself, comfortable with women, and comfortable with being sexual, you ARE the kind of guy that is successful with women.

NVP